You may remember that Kim Hyde was determined to track down his mother, despite his father’s reluctance for him to know the facts. Although the result was especially sad for Kim, at least he knew the truth.
Belle Taylor comes to Summer Bay on a mission to find her birth mother. She has recently discovered she is adopted and is obsessed with finding her real mother. This will answer so many questions she has about herself…
Finding your own identity
Especially in the teenage years it’s important for young people
to know about their family and their history.
If you are adopted, it’s natural to want to find out about your birth mother and father, as well as the family you have grown up with.
Sometimes your adoptive parents make sure you know all the facts about your birth parents and you may be happy with this. Or you may wish to meet both your birth parents.
Making the decision to search
It’s a big decision. It may have very dramatic outcomes and you need to have support all along the way.
You may be worried your birth mother or father does not want to meet you or you may not be sure whether you will want a relationship with them, once having met them.
These are big issues and you will need to talk to someone about your feelings, either your adoptive parents, a counsellor or a support group of other kids who’ve been adopted. This will help you with your decision.
Making contact with your birth parents
Once you’ve found the address of the person you are searching for you should write a letter (rather than phoning them or turning up on their doorstep). This will give that person time to digest the reality of the situation.
Just be aware that there are other members of your birth mother or father’s family who may not know of your existence.You should be very sensitive about the impact your contact will make.
If you want an intermediary to approach your birth mother or father first, there are organisations which do this on your behalf. Then when you and your birth parent feel ready for contact, it can be arranged.
What reaction will you get?
Your birth parent may have several different reactions to being contacted. They may feel guilty, nervous, surprised or excited.
They may need some time to accept that you may be back in their life.
If they don’t want to meet you, it’s very common for young people to feel not only hurt, but angry and shocked. This is hard! Talking to someone about this can help you work through your feelings.
Remember, just because a birth parent can’t handle meeting you, it doesn’t mean you are not as important or special to yourself and your loved ones.
Deciding not to search
You may decide that you don’t want to search for your birth mother or father. You might see no reason to contact them, as you are perfectly happy the way you are. Or you may simply not be interested in finding them or there may be big things going on in your life and the timing isn’t right.
Whatever you decide, it’s important you make the decision that’s best for YOU…
If you want to talk it over with someone:
Lifeline: 131 114
Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800
Post Adoption Resource Centre (PARC): lists different support groups in every state of Australia www.bensoc.asn.au/parc/
Reach Out!: They’ve got plenty of info on coping with being adopted, searching for a birth parent, etc. Find them at www.reachout.com.au
