The Birds and Bees!

Is Annie ready for the real world?

Little Annie Campbell gets the shock of her life when she discovers Belle and Lucas slept together and - gasp - they weren’t planning on getting married! The look on Belle’s face is priceless when the sheltered country girl reveals she assumed Lucas and Belle were obviously planning on tying the knot if they had taken such a big step. “You’re gonna get eaten up at school!” laughs the cheeky Belle Taylor. “The thought of marriage never entered our minds!”.

Lucas lays it down for Annie with a little more tact: it wasn’t as if he had a one-night stand with Belle – quite the opposite. He really cared about her and doesn’t think what they did was wrong or sinful. He points out that while he respects the rights of others to think that, it’s just not how most of his friends think.

And Lucas and his mates aren’t the only ones. Many teenagers are discovering plenty about the birds and the bees and it doesn’t involve marriage. Why? Well, marriage is a huge step for a relationship, and a step you don’t take that lightly or often. Once reaching the age of consent, many young adults see sex as a natural exploration that can be undertaken when both parties feel safe and secure.

Belle gives Annie a magazine to read from, assuring her it will explain everything. While generally we shake our heads at the antics of jump-first, look-later Taylor in this case, we think it’s a smart move. Teen magazines like Girlfriend offer unsure, young kids like Annie practical and responsible advice from trained professionals on issues such as sex and relationships, advice they’d often be unable to get from their parents – especially if they were as old fashioned as Annie’s grandfather!

Each month magazines like Girlfriend offer a sealed section which answers readers’ questions on body, family, sex and life issues, covering everything from sex-related queries about things like condoms and the pill, to advice about family breakdowns, bullying and boyfriend troubles. In many cases the advice points readers to sites such as reachout.com.au, which are able to offer confused teens further advice.

If you – like Annie – are confused about your feelings over when the right time to sleep with someone is, don’t worry! There’s no definite right or wrong and developing your own beliefs about this will come with time. If you are confused, the simple answer is you’re not ready yet, and that’s totally fine! You’ll know you’re ready when you and your partner are in a relationship like Lucas described – one that is mature, caring and one where the lines of communication and well and truly open.

For more info, why not head to Girlfriend online and see what they have to say!!

Do you believe in sex before marriage? Why/ why not? Let us know at homeandaway@seven.com.au

Nick: I do enjoy watching Home and Away during dinner. It's quite a fun display of Aussie acting and writing that makes the evenings more entertaining. However, I would just like to voice a complaint to you regarding your portrayal of the character of Annie and Geoff's grandfather in recent shows. Honestly, it would be enough to cast him as a cantankerous old man but do you have to drag the Christian faith through the mud with him? If you had a main character on the show who clearly demonstrated a more realistic Christian world-view and struggle then the one- dimensionality of the grandfather character would be forgivable. But you have no such character, and as such the show seems biased. I hope you can make some positive changes in this area.

Nat: Hey I am a huge H&A fan, but lately I have been quite upset about how Christians have been characterised. I am a Christian who lives out my faith daily, however contrary to what H&A is portraying, I must say that Christians are not and should not be 'stereotyped' as strict, harsh and old fashioned! I feel betrayed that our ideals and morals are not respected, are used for jokes and portrayed as fanatical. I hope that viewers can understand that we are not all fanatical. As this kind of portrayal of Christians leeks out into school etc and can affect the way in which we Christians are treated.

Sarah: I've been watching H&A for yrs now, and I've always (ok, mostly) enjoyed it. I have to say though, lately I've been a little frustrated. The recent introduction of the Campbell family has made Christians look like uptight, know it all, small minded gits. Ok, so some Christians are a lil on the, shall we say...hypocritical side, but most of us aren't like that at all! I thought that perception of Christians went out with typewriters and hypercolour t-shirts. We don't sit and quote the bible all day, we don't walk around and tell people they're being sinful, we don't treat other people with contempt and we don't judge others like you're making it look like we do. And suprising as it may seem, we even talk about sex...and not in a negative way! Shocking, eh? ;) I'm not sure if you realise how 'us Christians' actually operate...just like everyone else. We as Christians know we make mistakes, I myself am a single mother (and became so while I was a Christian) and my church friends treat me no differently than my non-church friends. Yes, we love God and want to do what we can to please Him, and we know that doesn't mean going around judging everyone. It seems we aren't the ones doing the judging these days, we're being judged. I just wish you wouldn't perceive Christians in such a negative light. You wouldn't dare do the same with Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, or any other religion. We've somehow become an easy target, and the frustrating thing is it's all so far off the mark as to how we really are. For us to be shown in such a light is a little on the offensive side, and it's an archaic view. We get enough bad press as it is. All I ask is that you please be a lil more sensitive to such big issues. There are more of 'us' out there than you may realise, for all I know some of the writers are Christian! Although I'm guessing not otherwise you might not have given us as much of a caning as you have. Anyway, I've rambled on a bit now. I'm sure you've got the picture ;). I'm gonna still watch H&A, and I'm still gonna love it, but please, please, pretty please ease up on us.

Suzie: I have nothing wrong with the writers wanting to bring up the storyline of Christians premarital sex, but what I do find wrong is the way they are portraying what Christian's believe. Try asking Lynne McGranger for some ideas of what modern day true Christians believe and live by. Yes, the Bible teaches that it is best to save sex for marriage, so the storyline of Annie's naivity is acceptable. But the way her Grandfather is acting is absurd, I mean, locking her in her bedroom, that is illegal, and something else that is written in the Bible is to obey the laws of the land. As a committed Christian, I am really offended by some of the things that are being said and done, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. If you're going to put a Christian imput into the show, at least speak to the Christians you know and make it a realistic one.

Anon: Hey, i was just wondering about the new plot with the Campbell's...why is it that television tends to present Christian ideals and morals as weird? I think that Home and Away holds a lot of influence over us teens and that it would be very considerate of the writers if they could portray Christians as most really are - normal. I'm sorry to say that i have been quite disappointed about how H&A has handled this. Please remember how great your influence is.

Malley: Dear Home and Away People and fans,I am, like people who have sent in the emails shown on the website, Christian, although i do not follow all these "rules." I do believe in sex before marriage, as it just a way of expressing feelings for each other and showing that you just trust each other to take that step. i do not think it should be treated casually though, and I have strong morals such as these. Some couples do not intend to get married at all, but they do intend to stay together, and some other couples do not have money to get married, or are underaged for marriage. Sex can be treated wrongly and people taken for advantage, such as rapists and just plain old teens, husbands, who ever. It should be thought out and not just a jump into bed with the first person that meets your eyes. [And can I just say that I know a seven year old that watches this program and has done for however long, and I think that is totally in appropriate for her mother to be teaching her these types of things through your program] However, I love Home and Away, it is a great thing to look forward to in the evenings, and I do miss it on the weekend.

Jemma: To the producers of Home And Away, I have to say that I'm a little disappointed that Home and Away's is painting Christianity to be so lawful and binding, through the character of Annie's grandfather - he's grumpy, unfair, judgemental and isn't looking out for his grandchildren's best interest (ie. selfishness), all of which aren't Christian values at all. I wonder if the producers actually have any Christian friends? Whilst I have to admit some Christians are like that, not all are and none of us are perfect. I do think that it is an interesting topic that H&A brings up whether sex before marriage is right or not. Funny thing is; almost every single couple on the show that has had sex before marriage has broken up, such as; Belle and Lucas, Danni and Will, Brodie and Alex, and let's not forget the hurt that Amanda and Drew caused Belle. Then there's the number of infidalities within married couples (eg. Rhys and Shelley, Kim and Rachel), which end up in marriage breakdowns. Abstaining from sex is a personal choice; one that everyone needs to make. When deciding, we need to weigh up the risks and possible consequences of those actions and seek advice from people we know that have had experience or made their choice to abstain (it's best to ask them when they're not in front of anyone else, so they answer more honestly). There are many great advantages to abstaining: 100% guarantee of not picking up a S.T.I or S.T.D, no unwanted pregnancies and therefore no hard decision on abortion/adoption/parenting, protecting yourself from getting used and abused, knowing that the love you have for someone goes beyond the physical attraction and so forth. I think it's very important that the show doesn't just show what a teenager who doesn't think much of sex before marriage, but also from another point of view where sex after marriage isn't a bad thing and that it can make a relationship seem all the more precious. Please show some couples with higher moral values in the future.

Melissa: Hi to all home and away fans out there! being raised in an old-fashioned very religious family, part of those beliefs included the idea of sex before marriage was like one of the 7 deadly sins, so growing up i naturally believed that because i was taught from birth that it's wrong, that it didn't happen! needless to say i was shocked when a friend that went to church with me and whom i've known since i was young, told me about her niece, born to her 16 year old sister who had previously come but left the same church. Since then i have been shocked to learn of children born outside of wedlock, but not as much seeing as it has become more frequent these days. being 17 i can't say i haven't at one stage or another been curious about these sorts of intimacies, but as my mother continually scolds, "sex is for after marriage" and it makes sense, if you lose your virtue now, what else is there to give your spouse that can only be given once? but as i've learned to realise, you can't stop people from doing these kinds of things, you can only stand up for what you know is right and hope people take notice and follow your lead and at least try to encourage others not to 'do wrong'. Annie is a great character, she's young and naive, a lot like myself, i like the biblical influences in the show, its nice to see a different angle and perspective to it! keep up the great work!

Vanessa: I think a quick look at the mess of some of the relationships in H&A recently shows the danger of treating sex too casually! I am a bit disturbed that Belle and Lucas are being held up as an example in your feature – this was hardly an example of an ‘open’ relationship, with Belle sleeping with Lucas for all the wrong reasons (and having slept with three different young men now). The reality is that teenagers often can’t tell when it is love that is going to go the distance, rather than a ‘crush’ or their hormones (though of course there are exceptions of ‘childhood sweethearts’ having long lasting marriages). I also am a bit concerned that you are recommending a magazine and peers as a better place to go for advice than parents! Parents have a wealth of experience and the only ones really wanting to protect their children and keep their children’s best interests at heart. One aspect that you haven’t considered is the increasing popularity of a choice, made by thousands of young people here and in the US, to keep their virginity as a pure gift for marriage. No one is forcing them to – they are making an informed decision based on considering all options. Wouldn’t it be reflective of society then, if you portrayed Annie as one of these many teenagers taking control of their own lives and resisting the crowd, rather than having her adapt to her more ‘liberal’ peers? The way you are progressing with this storyline is in fact a very dated stereotype. Yes, if a teenager is ‘not ready’ as you put it, they don’t have to – nor should they be pressured into doing it at all, just to be accepted and not get ‘eaten alive’ at school. Their rights and choices - of all options, including not having sex - should be respected.

Rocky: I can relate to some of Annie's concern. She's young, naive and she has never been through a lot in life compared to Matilda at least, and given she is sheltered in the farm and his very protective granddad, there are things she'll never truly understand even after every advice she receives. Here's my point of view because I used to be (and to some degree, still am) like Annie as well (at least not the living in the farm part). As for sex before marriage? I used to resent that idea because I was so naive and old fashioned as well to assume that when you meet someone special, you will get married and live happily ever after like natural progression (or maybe it's because my parents are still happily married while most my friends have step-parents or their parents are divorced, I guess I took it further to think the first girl I fall for is definitely going to be my wife, which is now very untrue). I mean, if older people resented that idea for the same reason, their beliefs of happily ever after will be heavily challenged as well. I'm not questioning that sex after marriage because I respect that this is sacred in the eyes of Christians or people who decided to hold out until they get married, but face it, changes are constant and unpredictable. Given what happened to the many marriages and relationships that had been and lost (ala Jack & Martha, Amanda & Dan, Kim & Rachel (even when you disregard Archie & Kit), and Matilda & Ric is heading that way, much like Matilda & Luc), and how fickle life is - one day she is the love of my life, the next she is gone forever (ala Jack and his 2 wives, Jule's ex-girlfriend, Brad & Emily or even Hayley & Noah), so in that regard, sometimes having sex before marriage is like an ultimate safeguard to share that extremely special bond that you have with your partner at the time (which is different to being unfaithful (or wanting someone you can't have again) because really, we can't really predict what tomorrow will bring, and promises can seldom be kept. Of course the big risk you take is like Kim & Kit did by having Archie (and some people resent the idea that a kid is born with unmarried parents, too), yet that's a new debate altogether.

Michael: I am a Catholic Christian, and although my faith says that I'm not to induldge in sexual relations before or outside of marriage - I doubt I will follow it. If I am in a relationship with somebody I truly care about in a serious manner, I think being able to express myself with that person (if they, too, feel the same way) is acceptable. I will also only have sex with somebody once I've reached an appropriate age, such as 18 +. As Eva Longoria said as Gabrielle in 'Desperate Housewives': "You would'nt buy a car without taking it for a little test drive". Trying to justify sleeping with somebody before marrying them.